You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
