So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
