I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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