it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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