I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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