She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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