i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
