Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
