he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
