can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
