Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
never play flip cup with pint glasses
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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