its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
