I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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