i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
