Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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