Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If I die, sorry about rent.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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