So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
