Already got asked if we're dating
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
