How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
