I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
