He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
