My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
