I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
