Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Your cock deserves a montage
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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