i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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