Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
