Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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