The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
did i walk over a car last night?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
