Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
