I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
