i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
