i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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