Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
