you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
