You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
