She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
