I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
