Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
