This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
