I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
