Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
