What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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