I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
