I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
