I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
