Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
