allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
