I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
