Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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