i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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