used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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