Just cropdusted the office
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We have started to decorate penises.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
