Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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