i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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